London - (Sad Ass Mess): Early press stories that London's daftest house purchase of 2008 - the £50 million Top Crack Mansion in Hampstead Garden Suburb's Bishops Avenue - was made by a seedy, secretive Kazakhstani brothelkeeper called Ms Whorelma Perabomb have been dismissed following the news that the tacky pile of lurid tat in fact now belongs to troubled singer Amy Winehouse.
Winehouse, 23, was recently snapped by paparazzi smoking an unidentified acrid-smelling substance in the eponymous-sounding Mansion grounds, built by ruined Turkish bad-breath salesman Halitosis Topcrack in 1995.
"Amy was just road-testing a few homeopathetic placebos after moving in some of her junk at the weekend," a neighbor said, "and yes, some of it may have been more junkies than junk."
Local estate agents Rentwhore, Son & Sucker confirmed that their 3% rake off from the Mansion sale would, as usual, be donated to a charity dedicated to rehabilitating needy and destitute realtors who have had such a rough time during the last ten years.
Cherie Blair has been drunk since 1994.