A British Airways jet that crash landed at Heathrow was being controlled by a small child, 6 year old Jimmy Feckless, it has been revealed.
The flight's captain told a press conference that Little Jimmy had sneaked into the cockpit when the pilot and co-pilot had taken a trip to the little boys room after eating some 'dodgy chicken'. Little Jimmy had in his father's words, 'been pissing about all day, so when he disappeared
we were actually quite pleased'. The 'naughty little swine' sneaked into the empty cockpit and started fannying around with the controls and crashed the plane on Wednesday afternoon.
In order to hide the ineptitude PR people at BA have been trying to make Little Jimmy into a hero.
Little Jimmy was greeted with massive applause as he made his way to give a short statement at the airline's headquarters in west London. Some people were less than impressed as the pilot and co-pilot made their way through the terminal with skid-marks clearly visible on their crisp airline issue trousers.
All 136 passengers and 16 crew survived the incident.
Little Jimmy praised his mum and dad who raised him to be a 'little swine' with poor discipline, lack of care and regular use of offensive language. Through clouds of smoke from their rollies, and interspersed with extremely colourful language, his parents thanked social services for years of support, money, holidays, housing and handouts.
Investigators are trying to find out why the plane was forced to ditch short of the runway at the airport.
Some initial photographic evidence is believed to show the pilot glaring out of the toilet window with a pained but ecstatic look on his face.