Written by queen mudder
Print this

Sunday, 13 January 2008

image for Diana's butler breaks wind at inquest
Burrell regularly serviced Diana

London - (Bad Ass Mess): Serial fraudster and self-confessed Diana fellater Paul Burrell is testifying at the Princess's inquest for an undisclosed fee according to Royal Courts of Justice sources.

The former butler was the top Kensington Palace smack dealer during the heady Diana days of the second John Major government of 1992-97.

He wife Maria had an uncanny talent for being able to copy any royal family handwriting and exercised this profitably with a series of strategic letters purporting to be from Diana herself:

"My husband is planning to bump me off in a car accident!"

From the Duke of Edinburgh: "Stop shagging the entire Blues & Royals Regiment and shut up if you want a handout, you old slag!"

And from Prince Charles: "I hereby agree to all your requests for a £50 million divorce settlement plus all the Crown Jewels you can manage to stuff inside your fetid snatch without the cops noticing," etc.

Burrell also videotaped two private meetings that Diana had with her biological father ex-President George Bush Senior and blood-mother Marcia Williams, later Lady Falkender.

The existence of those two tapes secured him over ten years of cushy sinecure lifestyle following Diana's drunken driving death after Old Fatty Mountbatten was forced into a climbdown over prosection evidence in a 2002 court case against Burrell on theft, embezzlement, fraud and extortion charges.

The inquest re-opens on Monday.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 4?

2 12 9 8
54 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more