Emma Watson, the teenage Harry Potter sensation, is set to play the teenage Maddie McCann in a new musical that's going to sweep the box office this spring. The blockbuster, directed by Love Actually's Richard Curtis, will also star Emma Thompson as Kate McCann and Colin Firth as Gerry.
The movie, made with the help of the world's largest entertainment agency, IMG, centres around the parents' hopes that the missing child will one day be the teenage star of an X Factor series where panellists played by Hugh Grant, Imelda Staunton and Bill Nighy argue and fight over the teenage Maddie's abilities to win hearts.
Mawkish it is not, say the directors, but there are hopes for all our readers that it will be mawkish in the extreme. Film critic Mark Kermode: "Quite frankly, it's an appalling idea and one that never should have seen the light of day."
With that glowing endorsement, one can only wait in anticipation for a film so full of syrup audiences will actually stick to the screen. With a working title "Mummy Mia!" ie "Mum, I'm Here" how can it fail to move hearts around the world?
But looking beyond the sensationalist headline, Gerry McCann dashed hopes: "We can categorically deny that we are considering a movie about Madeleine's disappearance. This is simply untrue."
We say, what a misery! Lighten up! Watch out for the backlash. Everyone in Britain is looking forward to hearing sad songs from the mouth of an angel.
Of course, The Daily Wail leads the way on this one.