Written by Simon Bolger

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Monday, 7 January 2008

image for David Cameron reaches out to Britain's youth
"Lights off, pants off"

In a blatant attempt at winning votes and popularity Tory leader David Cameron joined a dogging session this lunchtime with the unemployed youth of Milton Keynes.

Cameron gave advice to the youths concerning the best methods to hotwire cars. He also gave an insight on how to launch chunks of Toblerone from a moving vehicle at the back of a Police Officer's head using only a plastic ruler and three paper clips.

He offered wisdom about how to attract other doggers' attention using vehicle headlamps at night time. It was at this moment that Cameron passionately demonstrated his first commandment of dogging, he described it as "lights off, pants off". Insiders from the Shadow Cabinet claim that this will soon be added to the Conservative manifesto.

The Tory leader finished by delving back to his university days as he entertained vagabonds with a story and exhibition of how to fashion a thrill-exerting condom using the arm pit hair of former PM Tony Blair.

Cameron left the Tory rally with his trousers and pants slung over his shoulder. He later described the event as "worthwhile, but a bit chilly".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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