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Saturday, 5 January 2008

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"I'll get the miserable old fucker next time" - Mrs Harding

Two grandmothers, both over the age of 80, today appeared in court in Southampton accused of a number of charges from disturbing the peace to affray and Actual Bodily Harm.

The case stems from an incident in September last year when Mavis Beacon, a retired hospital matron and Dorothy Harding, a retired school teacher and recovering alcoholic, were involved in an altercation in Tesco's car park.

Mrs Beacon accused Mrs Harding of pinching her parking space and instantly fumbled out of her car. She is claimed to have screamed "You doddering old cunt, that was my fucking space grandma" as she wandered across the spaces to confront Mrs Harding. Mrs Harding was heard to yell back "You were no where fucking near near it bitch, now fuck off out of my sight before I pull your tits off and ram them down your fucking throat".

After the barrage of assaults, the two are said to have engaged in combat, Mrs Harding pulling off her attackers blue rinse wig and Mrs Beacon smashing her opponent in the nose with her walking frame.

The fight was interrupted by deputy store manager, Peter Morse, but both pensioners turned on the 22 year old and kicked him in the balls. Both were later arrested and released on bail.

The court is due to sentence them later in the week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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