Hospital wards across England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales have been closed in a bid to slow the spread of SAAP, the so-called 'sick-as-a-parrot' bug (Hoddlevirus Keegansiensis) after England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales all failed to qualify for Euro 2008.
Doctors estimate that more than 100,000,000 fans a week are catching the SAAP bug.
Fans struck down by SAAP have been urged not to go back to work until at least one side from the British Isles qualifies for a major international football competition, even if it's Wales.
If Andorra win 15-0
Reported cases are at a forty-year-high, but the real figure is likely to be much higher as many fans still think there's a mathematical chance of Euro 2008 qualification.
SAAP: The Facts
- Sudden alcohol abuse leading to vomiting and diarrhoea
- Abusive outbursts directed at foreigners
- Experts advise laying off the booze and to take sedatives
- Stay at home for 4 years after symptoms have gone away to avoid further embarrassment
Have you had to give up supporting the international side as a result of SAAP? Have you or your family had SAAP? Did you go to work, or did you pull a sickie and watch Carol Vorderman in a tight dress on Countdown? Be honest.