Written by IN SEINE
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Wednesday, 2 January 2008

image for Florists suspect Serial Killers!
"If only flowers could talk"

With the growing trend of leaving bouquets at the scene, in tribute to fatalities, it has been discovered that some florists may be deliberately killing off people in order to boost sales.

With floral displays costing as much as £20, a florist can turn over up to £20,000 per crime. What used to be an innocent and loving way to express one's grief, has now become a multi-million pound business. Some flower shop owners have recently purchased chains of shops which is commonly known as 'The Daisy-chain Bloom Boon'.

This led police to investigate murders, road traffic accidents, fires and suspicious deaths, revealing a sinister pattern. Many of these incidents have occurred in close proximity of a florist.

Mrs Lily Savage of the English National Union of Florists (ENUF) said:

"This is total rubbish! … Ridiculous! … You could just as easily say that these incidents have happened in the vicinity of a road, house or warehouse. The truth is that there are so many gun-crimes, arsons and just plain accidents around that relatives can best express their grief by leaving a bunch of flowers at the scene. We have enough business with Funeral Directors (a massive undertaking), Wedding Organisers and guess what? On St. Valentine's day, sales just go 'SUPER NOVA! Why should we need any more business?"

"Oh and by the way, 'The St. Valentines Day Massacre' is nowt to do with us!" she added.

Police are now showing interest in football clothing manufacturers.

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