It's official, in a secret dossier, known only to myself and several million Daily Mirror readers, John Prescott has entered the Guinness Book of Records as the fattest bastard to ever enter British politics.
They used to sing: "Who ate all the pies, who ate all the pies, you fat bastard, you fat bastard, you ate all the pies" (to the tune of 'Knees up Mother Brown') whenever Prescott went to the house of commons. Now when people see him they are too stunned to say anything about the fat git!
A spokesman at Gracelands, former home of Elvis Presley, a world famous fat bastard, said, when Elvis died we cut off his ass and fed the third world for 10 years but this time we think that we have a 20 year solution with Prescott's ass.
Gordon brown, a former enemy of John Prescott was said to be delighted at the news of an end to the problems Africa faces.
He said: "Goodbye John, hello Africa!"