Written by Gary Krap
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Monday, 31 December 2007

image for Binge Drinkers Responsible for Baby Boom
Total Slapper !

Binge drinkers are responsible for a massive rise in illegitimate births according to a secret document known only to myself and several million Daily Mail readers.

The document was handed to me by a spokesperson for 10 Downing Street who did not want to be named. It stated that British binge drinkers are responsible for half the new born babies in the world.

An already beleaguered Prime Minister may have to resign if the report is found to be true according to sources close to Gordon Ramsay the chef who has met Gordon Brown and is his culinary advisor.

"Its mayhem out there", I was told, "Swarms of girls as young as 14 are drinking up to 24 pints a night and getting pregnant 3 times in a week, it is certainly so serious that we may have to consider banning the New Years Eve celebrations"

Gordon Ramsay, who is noted for being a dickhead with slight halitosis and a face like a pensioners scrotum, went on to say that he thought girls under the age of 25 should wear metal knickers with a padlock on them.

The Conservative shadow minister for sex, Jeff Plumb-gob aged 48 from Shoreditch, was eager to come to the support of the girls, in a statement delivered from the dancefloor he said, "they should just chill tho innit daddyo, hey mister leave them kids alone, swivel on that".

The police advise all motorists to be careful not to collide with any couples who may be so drunk they get it on in the middle of the street.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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