London - (Bad Ass Mess): Mendacious Virgin Inter-Galactic CEO Richard Branson is in hiding today after the British Foreign Orifice released classified papers naming him as the bastard son of the Nazi Prince Charles Edward.
Branson has also been outed as a full sibling to the Puppet Monarchy's notorious gold-digging gargoyle Princess Michael of Kent (sic) whose Nazi roots have never been doubted by the UK public.
The Nazi Prince Charles Edward was Queen Victoria's youngest grandchild and was farmed out by her at the age of 14 to become Duke of Coburg in Germany following a spate of daft government advice from covert pro-Republicans in the Ministry of Defence.
Prince Charles Edward was corralled into fighting for the Germans in World War I and became an object of vilifications among the Brits.
He became loathed as a traitor and was eventually stripped of his English titles -Duke of Albany, Earl of Clarence and Baron Arklow after King George V branded him a dyed-in-the-wool turncoat.
At the same time his German compatriots became suspicious of him too and he lost his German titles as well when the country became a Republic.
Soon after Charles Edward became a Nazi and oiled the wheels that helped Adolf Hitler slime his way into power.
In this he was helped immensely by flaky UK aristo the second Baron redesdale, father of Unity Mitford and grandfather to her bastard offspring by the Fuhrer himself.
In the UK the House of Windsor branded him a dangerous wacko and warned against his frequent London trips as Chairman of the Anglo-German Fascists Alliance - a cover he used to recruit lookalike actors who were paid to impersonate key figures of the British monarchy of the late 1930s.
But he continued fellating for the Hitler/Stalin alliance and owed his livelihood to their ever-open coffers.
At the end of World War II however he was stony broke, living in exile and completely bonkers.
Some four years before his eventual demise in 1954 he somehow managed to father the siblings who subsequently became Richard Branson and Princess Michael.
"The physical resemblance is so startling we are stunned that nobody ever mentioned it before the release of these classified papers," a National Archives source added today.