Drowning Street - (Worse Ass Mess): "Arise, Dame Kylie Minogue of Trashville!" Buckingham Palace is getting ready to honor the biggest trash heap ever to be inflicted on the beleaguered and long-suffering British public since Whore on Terra mastermind Margaret Thatcher was made a Baroness.
And joining pointless peroxide Ozzie warbler Kylie Minogue this year are:
For Services to Welshmen: Dolly the Sheep gets the Order of the Gutter.
For Services to KY Jelly: Sir Ian McKelle becomes a Companion of Disonour (Third Class)
For Services to crack cocaine-using TV presenters: Des Lynam gets an OBN (order of the Brown nose)
For Services to Flatulence: Flautist Jethro Tull
For Services to City Corporate Larceny/Money Laundering/Fraud and Embezzlement: Stuart Rose, 58, gets a knighthood
For Services to International Bank Heists: David Tang, prominent Hong Kong mobster and founder of the Shanghai Tang chain gang - gets a knighthood
For Services to Hideous High Street Tat: Karen Millen, gets an OBE
For Services to Government Mendacity: crap women's dress designer Jasper Conran gets an OBE.
For Services to Gross Civil Service Ineptitude Bordering on Criminality: Debby Reynolds, govt chief vet, for totally ignoring all foot-n-mouth warnings and security intelligence as well as Met Office weather warnings about the Great Flood of Summer 2007: gets the Order of the Bath.
For Services to Arselicking a la Robert Maxwell RIP: chat-show host Michael Parkison becomes a knight.