Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 29 December 2007

image for Dolly the Sheep, Kylie & Des 'Crack Cocaine' Lynam: Gorgon Brown's Trash-for-Honours 2008
At least Dolly the Sheep will look fetching in this regalia

Drowning Street - (Worse Ass Mess): "Arise, Dame Kylie Minogue of Trashville!" Buckingham Palace is getting ready to honor the biggest trash heap ever to be inflicted on the beleaguered and long-suffering British public since Whore on Terra mastermind Margaret Thatcher was made a Baroness.

And joining pointless peroxide Ozzie warbler Kylie Minogue this year are:

For Services to Welshmen: Dolly the Sheep gets the Order of the Gutter.

For Services to KY Jelly: Sir Ian McKelle becomes a Companion of Disonour (Third Class)

For Services to crack cocaine-using TV presenters: Des Lynam gets an OBN (order of the Brown nose)

For Services to Flatulence: Flautist Jethro Tull

For Services to City Corporate Larceny/Money Laundering/Fraud and Embezzlement: Stuart Rose, 58, gets a knighthood

For Services to International Bank Heists: David Tang, prominent Hong Kong mobster and founder of the Shanghai Tang chain gang - gets a knighthood

For Services to Hideous High Street Tat: Karen Millen, gets an OBE

For Services to Government Mendacity: crap women's dress designer Jasper Conran gets an OBE.

For Services to Gross Civil Service Ineptitude Bordering on Criminality: Debby Reynolds, govt chief vet, for totally ignoring all foot-n-mouth warnings and security intelligence as well as Met Office weather warnings about the Great Flood of Summer 2007: gets the Order of the Bath.

For Services to Arselicking a la Robert Maxwell RIP: chat-show host Michael Parkison becomes a knight.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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