Written by marvin
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Saturday, 5 January 2008

image for Britney stalker sues for distress
A photograph the Japanese stalker took at Disney Land

A hideous looking man dubbed "The Asian hunch back" ordered to stay away from pop singer Britney Spears is suing the star for causing "emotional distress".

Japanese businessman Masahiko Shizawa claimed the chart-topper's security guards pulled out pictures of him from their pockets and after glancing at the pictures for a few seconds they brandished guns at him in a street, then they beat him in the face and groin area. Mr. Masahiko claims he just wanted to get an autograph from his favorite singer. He showed reporters from TheSpoof.com, dozens of worthless music CD's he purchased from Britney Spears.

Earlier this month, a California judge imposed a restraining order on the 43-year-old for three years, calling him "abnormally obsessed with buying Britney Spears' merchandise".

Mr Shizawa is seeking unspecified damages from the pop star along with a refund for all the Spears merchandise he purchased. Representatives for Spears told Mr. Shizawa to return the merchandise to Wal-Mart to get his refund.

Under the restraining order, Mr Shizawa is banned from coming closer than 300 metres to Spears. Women's groups have also demanded that Mr. Shizawa have his testicles surgically removed.

Intense argument breaks out

Men in Japan are bowing their heads in shame and they are blaming themselves for not building hatcheries for Japanese men.

It is being reported by the Associate Press that Japanese women across Japan are slapping their husbands on the face for allowing their children to watch television and for not telling their children that they should not believe anything they hear in music or television because it is all lies.

In a press briefing, the Japanese Prime Minister warned Japanese men to throw away their televisions, to save Japan from any more humiliation. The Japanese Prime Minister is also promising the people of Japan that he will sign a new law allowing Japanese men to marry five wives at the same time, so Japan can be taken out of this humiliating situation.

British supermodel Kate Moss has demanded an apology from Britney Spears by asking her to eat out Jenny Shimizu's vagina to show her respects to the Japanese people.

'Love in Disney Land'

Britney Spears who also goes by the name of "Star Teen Britney" sought a restraining order against the man in December, saying he tried to contact her at two of her homes and that of her parents.

Mr Shizawa returned to Japan when his visa expired in December but wanted to resolve the issue so he could eventually return to the United States to purchase a Ford truck he has been envying.

His lawyer had argued that Mr Shizawa, a computer programmer and wealthy investor, was harmless and the confusion arose from a cultural misunderstanding. In Japan pop hero's that get rich off the public have a different ethical approach with their fans.

Simon Robert Hiller said his client was a law-abiding citizen but was "in love" with Spears.

Quote by Snoop Dog: "Love is for suckers and you know nigga's don't fall in love, we just cold blooded killers."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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