Written by Daisy Cutter
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Sunday, 23 December 2007

image for Gang Related Hand Signals Repetitive Strain on the NHS

British Secretary of Health, the right honourable Alan Johnson has declared that providing health care for gang members with repetitive strain injury induced by too much throwing of complicated gang affiliated hand signals has brought the NHS to a catastrophic state of near crisis in recent months.

Johnson claims that the money spent on these poorly bad boys is equivalent to the annual budget set aside for treating gunshot wounds, an irony not lost on gang leader Dog Gone Mad of South London.

Dog Gone states that the disorder, hailed as the tennis elbow of the working classes, is literally crippling gang warfare in London, leaving gang members unable to communicate with each other. "Some nasty mistakes have happened due to this repetitive strain issue, several urban soldiers have been shot down by friendly fire because they were unable to indicate their gang affiliation," states Dog, speaking from a police safe house in Rotherham.

Reports from sources unwilling to divulge their names have suggested that some desperate gangsters have resorted to carrying fake hands with posable fingers in a bid to remedy this issue.

The plight of the gangster, however, is the ambrosia of the physiotherapist, the price of black market physio having risen threefold in the last ten days.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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