London - (Bad Ass Mess): Top UK archivist and royal hysterian David Sharkey says the Puppet Monarch is an under-educated KGB plant who was fast-tracked onto the Throne by Hellfire Club grandees to stave off Bank of England bankruptcy.
Sharkey, 69, says that even dimwitted Princess Diana "had more academic qualifications" than her erstwhile mother-in-law, having left school at 16 with nothing more than a certificate for keeping her gerbils' cage clean and tidy.
"And even the dumbest, most illiterate members of the Von Battenburg clan appear erudite when compared to Old Fatty Mountbatten," Sharkey added today.
The hysterian's comments are sure to flame the controversy about the need for successive descendants of Hitler and Stalin to serve as the Puppet Monarch's Prime Monsters.
"It's very much a private club, this wholly-appointed monarchy," Sharkey told UK TV News.
"Fortunately when she pops her clogs the whole kit and caboodle will be sent to The Tower to be hung, drawn and quartered on multiple treason charges."
Camilla is under sedition.