Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Tony Blair

Saturday, 22 December 2007

image for Holy Orders: Blair defects
Blair was initiated by All-Ireland Primate Cardinal Fergus McShergar

London - (Diabolical Mess): Former UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has taken the first steps on the eccliastical ladder that will see him anointed as a lay Catholic priest on Good Friday next year.

Blair was initated into the Church's inner sanctum yesterday.

The ceremony was videotaped by his family and consisted of an ancient induction rite conducted by Cardinal Fergus McShergar at the crypt of the P2 Lodge's Neasden Basilica of St Pedophilius.

After stripping naked in front of the holy of holies Blair had all his bodily hair removed from the neck down.

Next he was whipped by two dozen hooded initiates of the Sacred Constantinian Military Order of Vatican Money Luanderers before a bucket oh Holy Water was thrown over his goosefleshy body.

The most important part of the initiation then took place on the crypt's altar where Blair was tied down with the P2 Lodge's ceremonial golden ropes - spatchcocked like a spring chicken at an Ozzie barbecue.

Cardinal McShergar then took two vials of Holy Unguents and slowly began an anointing ceremony similar to the basting of a Christmas turkey.

Plenty of incense, chanting and bellringing accompanied the initiation rite that soon climaxed with Blair finally being offered 'sacred communion' (sic) with half a dozen altar boys in a curtained-off portion of the crypt's sacristy.

Afterwards Cardinal McShergar told the congregation:

"It's disgusting work. But somebody has to do it."

Blair will now be fast-tracked into the (Ken) Lay priesthood before being springboarded into a Bishopric position "maybe by this time next year".

Vatican rumors are rife that he has been specially chosen to replace Pope Joseph Ratzinger by 2010.

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