There was a 'backbench revolt' in the House of Commons this afternoon when it was announced by Minister for Pleasure Alan Perve that Prostitution, the oldest trade in the world, is to become illegal in this country.
Many MPs woke up, and several of them shouted down Mr Perve who, because of the subsequent delay, had to cancel a 6pm appointment in Soho.
For years, men in Britain have been able, should the mood take them, to drive into town after dinner and 'partake of an evening with a lady' without fear of persecution from the police. A nominal fee is tendered, and a crashingly good time can be enjoyed by both parties, to their satisfaction.
Now, though, all that is about to change thanks to the boring old EU.
Commissioners in Brussels have acted on complaints from the ultra-Conservative authorities in neighbouring Holland, and decreed that payment for sex (PFS) is now against European Law, and that its practice should be discontinued forthwith. The new law applies from midnight on Saturday 22nd December.
The move is sure to drastically change the way UK call girls operate. Womens Rights campaigner Ruth Lezbo said:
"It's a shame. Many girls, some as young as 11 or 12, will be forced to 'go underground', working from street corners, being 'honked' by kerb crawlers and having to take their business up the back alley."
European Union Commissioners, though, think that PFS should be illegal. The Dutch representative Edwin In Der Mudeye, who speaks perfect English, said:
"It's always better when the sex is against the law. There's no better feeling than 'coming up the finishing straight' with sirens wailing and blue lights flashing to add to the excitement. It's orgasmic! "