Written by Noshing Mink
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Thursday, 20 December 2007

image for Home Secretary in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Child Catcher row
Jacqui Smith cruises streets of London at night looking for asylum seeker children

The Home Secretary was under fire again from a High Court Judge for the way in which she deported a 15-year old Iraqi boy.

The court had been told that Jacqui Smith had broken into the boy's foster parents' house in Richmond, London, at 4 o'clock in the morning, dressed in black like the "Child Catcher" from the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang film, and carrying a large butterfly net, which she used to snag the teenage asylum seeker and drag him into her Child Catcher mobile, driving off into the night cackling in triumph.

Mr. Justice Collins said that this sort of behaviour was "arguably disgraceful".

"We can't have Home Secretaries impersonating villains from musicals. If other Ministers behaved like this, we could have the Secretary of State for the Arts closing down theatres dressed as the Phantom of the Opera and the Justice Secretary increasing prison sentences dressed like Inspector Javert from Les Miserables. That would soon lead to utter chaos."

His Lordship ordered Mrs Smith to catch the next plane to Austria, where the boy, who cannot be named for legal reasons, has been deported to, and bring him back herself, adding:

"And I expect her to ask him to return by saying 'pretty please with ribbons on top'."

The Government is said to be considering the judge's ruling and whether it can appeal. However, in the meantime, the Home Secretary has purchased a return ticket to Salzburg and a one way ticket from Salzburg to London.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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