Three British residents held by the US at Guantanamo Bay for four-and-a-half years have had a surprise party thrown for them after arriving back in the UK. The Prime Minister, the Home Secretary and the Foreign Secretary leapt out from behind a sofa in their apartment in London, shouting "Surprise" and handed out individually-wrapped presents, while a spontaneously formed crowd cheered and sang Christmas carols in the street below.
Omar Deghayes received a brand new bag of fertiliser because he wants to be a farmer. Abdenour Samuer received a map of all the Government buildings in Britain because he wants to be a civil servant. And Jamil el-Banna got some chapatti flour because he wants to start his own Indian restaurant. All three men, who have become affectionately known in Britain as the Guantanamo Three, also got British passports and new pairs of shoes, to replace the ones that were stolen from them by their American captors.
Moslem peer Lord Ahmed said "Hooray, you're back! We really missed you."
The illegal detention of three British residents in a foreign country soured relations between Britain and the United States, but now that the three lads are back home, everything's okay again.
Asked what they want to do now that they are home, the three replied:
"We want to go back to Afghanistan and Iraq and help the poor people we left there. We plan to raise money from the nice people of England. The Labour Party has already introduced us to some donors who have pledged large sums in other people's names. Thank you, Gordon, Jacqui and David!"
No, thank you, Omar, Abdenour and Jamil. Your selfless courage and charity, in the face of great adversity, are an inspiration to us all.