Written by Martin Gooseflesh
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Wednesday, 19 December 2007

image for Don't Go North
This will be a familliar sight over Cristmas.

Virgin Trains have issued a warning to all travelers, telling them not to head north for Christmas. They said "severe disruption" would hit services over the Christmas season due to engineering work being carried out on main routes between London and Scotland.

This will mean long queues for expensive tickets and a shortage of seats, unlike the rest of the year when there are no queues, plenty of seats and very reasonable ticket prices.

Worst affected will be the East coast and West coast lines, many services being replaced by buses with only a fraction of the seating capacity of a normal train.

A Virgin spokesman said:

"Avoid travelling north between Christmas and New Year. It's not a good time to travel. Anyway who in their right mind wants to go north at this time of the year? it's bloody freezing. I mean Scotland for Christmas? Who wants deep fried haggis for Christmas dinner? not me for one. Stay in the south where it's civilized."

He was then very quickly taken away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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