Buckingham Palace - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Palace big knobs have condemned tawdry letters purportedly written by the late Diana, Princess of Wales as a sordid forgery after they were read out at an inquest into her death ten years ago.
"Diana was much too stuck up and hoity-toity ever to refer to herself as a chick, for goodness sake," Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon said today.
"The very idea of any avian reference to herself including 'chick', 'bird' or suchlike would have made the old slapper blush with discomfort," Luce-Cannon added.
"This torrid correspondence is a complete forgery, penned by that douchebag former so-called butler of hers Paul Burrell or his daftass wife Maria.
"Both of them regularly copied Diana's handwriting to make out whopping great big cheques to themselves on her accounts to settle their coke bills, gambling debts and foreign holiday spending.
"As for Dodi being in any way anything other than a holiday fling, the very idea is preposterous.
"Diana was on the lookout for a multi-billionaire like US financier Teddy Forstmann.
"But she screwed up by insisting on ludicrous prenup clauses that would have paid her a minimum of £500 million upfront before so much as changing a tampax or putting in a new Copper Seven ahead of any proposed connubial consummation."
The inquest continues.