Jack Straw, MP and father of William, has claimed that Labour is not facing another Black Wednesday, as has been stated by a number of conservative MPs.
Speaking Exclusively to us, Mr Straw said 'This is no Black Wednesday, more a Brown Monday, or a Grey Tuesday. So, some discs have gone missing, but that is nothing compared to what I know...............'
It is understood that shares in Marmite, and Bird's Custard have been sold for threpence to an American Conglomorate, whilst no-one knows anyone on this year's I'm a Celebrity get me out of Here. An Iceberg has melted.
Mr Straw continued: 'When the British people know about the arms dealing, that will be when the real trouble starts'
Mr Straw will resign on Tuesday.