Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Sunday, 25 November 2007

image for Holidaymakers rescued at sea after their ship strikes an iceberg; History Channel reenactment of the sinking of the Titanic goes wrong
History Channel's latest special on the Titanic fails to inform the passengers

Antarctic - Responding to an advertisement of all expenses paid vacation to South American aboard the ocean liner M/S Explorer, twenty-four Britons, believing they were well on their way to a dream vacation of a lifetime, had a rude awakening upon their arrival. Unbeknownst to them, they were about to be made unwitting participants of the History Channel's latest special on the Titanic, which included a reenactment of its sinking.

"They never told us they intended to sink the bloody ship with us still aboard," said Harry Smith from his hospital bed, as he was being treated for hypothermia. "They enticed us with a free vacation on a luxury ocean liner. That's false advertising. That what that is."

In order to make the reenactment as realistic as possible, the History Channel had the entire 154 passengers and crew dressed up in period customs, matching right down to the shoes what the passengers wore on board the Titanic that ill-fated night.

"They just told us it was a costume party," said Smith. "I should have became suspicious when they kept asking me if I could sound more British. What's the difference by then it was too late to any about it anyways."

Later, after the all-you-can-eat shrimps from the Seven Sea Midnight Buffet and the first-class ticket holder Ball, a horrendous crash was heard throughout the ship, read the History Channel press release regarding the incident.

Known for its commitment to high quality production value, the History Channel apparently spared no expense once again and built a customized iceberg according to the specifications of the one that struck the Titanic.

"It's quite a feat of engineering," boasted a spokesperson for the History Channel. "We estimate that entire reenactment, including the iceberg, cost more than the Titanic itself, in adjusted dollars of course."

Operated by small flotilla of tugboats from within side the mechanical iceberg, they gentle guided it into the shipping line of the unsuspected ocean liner, placing it on a direct collision course with M/S Explorer nicknamed "The Little Red Ship".

"We had to make several course correction as the Captain of 'The Little Red Ship' attempted to avoid hitting the iceberg," said the spokesperson for the History Channel. "But it was worth the extra expense of the fuel, even at today's prices because we got the footage we came for."

Before they left the scene of the accident, the conscientious History Channel producers were sure to alert the Chilean Navy to rescue the ocean liner passengers.

"The ship did not sink as rapidly as we hoped, in fact, it just took on water and began to list violently," said a producer for the History Channel special. "But we can fix that up back at the studio."

Unfortunately, upon their return, the entire footage of the reenactment had to be scrapped as the computer image generated (CIG) special effects just could not be surpassed.

"That's the funny thing about technology," said the producer. "It moves so fast, that by the time we got back to the studio, it turns out we don't need any of that reenactment footage after all. We're going to CIG the whole stuff from beginning to end."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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