Written by Jesus Budda
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Wednesday, 21 November 2007

image for Brown Backs Finance Minister Over U.K. Data Loss
"Oh dear, I seem to have lost my underwear, too. I'm a very naughty boy!"

British Prime Minister Gordon Brown is standing by his finance minister after opposition parties accused his government of incompetence and stupidity after losing confidential personal details of almost half the U.K. population.

Alistair Darling "has made a common mistake. It could happen to anyone. Why I lost my good tartan socks just this very morning," Brown told Parliament in London earlier today, "Those data thingys are probably down the back of his couch or something".

Darling, a camp lady-man who is the illegitimate biological love child of ageing socialite/actress Zsa Zsa Gabor and her deceased 'partner' Marlene Dietrich, was yesterday forced to explain how two unencrypted disks containing records of 7.3 million families claiming child-benefit payments had gone missing from the tax authority, which is overseen by his Treasury. The loss, the largest of its kind in U.K. history, lays open the 25 million people named in the data to the risk of fraud and theft.

"There's nothing to worry about, dahling," Darling purred with a distinctive Hungarian accent. "Leave me be. I vant to be alone".

"He has completely lost touch with reality," Conservative leader Mister Invisible Man said in Parliament during his weekly arm wrestling bout with Brown. "My good lady wife's welfare payments may be disrupted if some thieving b*stard has our details. Pr*ck! How are we supposed to buy the kids Christmas gifts if that happens, eh?"

Darling, in a series of interviews earlier today, again refused to apologize for the error and said he doesn't care.

"I don't give a sh*t, dahling", sneered the cheeky chappy as he tried on a pink chemise sweater.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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