London - (Dumbass Mess): Desperate royal wannabe Kate Middleton is in shock today after being booted off a £100,000 BBC Strictly Come Dancing contract following a successful sex and drugs sting fiasco by a Daily Tosser undercover reporter.
Middleton was in hiding at her ancestral Nether Regions Wallop home today after being dropped from the show.
She had been caught on film snorting coke before stripping off and offering sex to the clandestine reporter for £25,000 at a flat in the Isle of Dogs, East London.
The footage was sent to the BBC's governor general with a footnote advising it would posted on a popular internet video site if any attempt was made at yet another Royal Wedding Humbug deception.
A copy of the videotape has been lodged with the Met's Serious & DIsorganised Crime Agency.
Middleton is seen lying near-naked on a leopardskin throw, boasting about having shagged "nearly all the Blues & Royals" and justifying selling her stick insect body in order to pay the rent on her lavish new Chelsea spread.
There has been no commonet from Buckingham Palace save a footman's giggle that her absence at today's Westmonster Abbey Thanksgiving Service was a clear sign she'd been booted out of the Puppet Monarchy's clique of cronies for good.