London -- Prince Harry, the youngest son of Prince Charles will be undergoing DNA tests Buckingham Palace revealed today. Initially, the tests were thought to be ordered to verify his princely paternity, as spurious reports about Princess Diana and James Hewitt's carryings on have been circulating for years.
"This should settle things once and for all," said Stan Blackmore, Hewitt's official biographer. It became evident later in the day with a further clarification from Buckingham Palace that it was not the Princes paternity that was being tested, but his maternity. This prompted an outburst from Blackmore, "what's that going to prove? That Diana was his mother? Idiots and morons, that's all they've got at the Palace, from the bottom right to the top." Mr. Blackmore was then arrested for slandering the Queen.
The Palace then tried to justify its decision to allow maternity testing but not paternity testing, and in an official release said, "you never know, maybe he was switched at birth. People say he doesn't look like Charles, but hey he doesn't particularly look like Diana either. This should satisfactorily close the matter."
When reached for comment, Prince seemed confused. He did however seem confident of his parentage and stated, "I know who my mother was, give me a break. I'll do it for the public record, but it will only show that I am Diana's son. I'm just so relieved that's all they are testing. I thought they wanted to pin some of those three or four little tikes on me. I don't even know those women. I mean ... oh s@#$, did I just say that out loud?"
The Palace then released a statement about the state of Harry's health, "he's been under a lot of stress lately, you can't take anything he says seriously." The Prince has not been seen in public since.