Written by Le Captain
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Sunday, 18 November 2007

image for England Manager's Barnet Exhibits Uncertainty Principle

During a staggeringly bland and platitudinous post match interview this weekend following England's friendly against Lichtenstein reserves, the frontal area of England supremo Sven Goran McLaren's hair appeared to fade in and out of viewer's vision.

Dr. Ludwig de Portilla of the University of Bern's Nuclear Science and Quantum Mechanics Research Center, in Switzerland, stated that preliminary pixel count based stochastic pattern analyses of the fibrous mass suggested that the follicular area was possibly demonstrating behaviour processes that could suggest a manifestation of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, first postulated by the German midfield general and physicist in 1927.

"The more precisely the POSITION is determined, the less precisely the MOMENTUM is known"

However other observers disagree, saying the phenomenon was due to the fact that the hair was in fact melting from time to time due to the TV studios lighting and excessive use of poly-strubulene based hair reinforcement lacquer by England's astute tactical leader.

"I am really not sure what this is all about, I was pretty happy with the side's performance out there and we gave 100%, we are just taking one match at a time and trying to win games", gabbled Mr. Venables.

Further research is continuing and the side has reverted to 4-5-1 in the short term, until the hair's status has been ascertained.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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