Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II has been declared 'unclean' and a 'dirty skank' by a magistrate after Prince Charles' diary was discovered.
Charlie's diary told the judge in question that the Queen had just one bath a year and had copied the idea for the 2005 Christmas speech from Pudsey.
The judge was disgusted, and pronounced that "Her Majesty is unclean and a dirty little skank", before saying "Now piddle off you high-and-mighty bugger".
Her Maj is expected to be fined up to £2.50 and may be sentenced to a bath a day. She is not expected to come out in public until she has had a good scrub and a wash with Head and Shoulders.
All we can do now is wait to see how much she smells next Saturday, when she will be doing a sponsored poo for BBC Royals In Need.