Written by Monkey Woods
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Saturday, 17 November 2007

image for Princess Diana Death Crash Christmas Wrapping Paper Goes On Sale In Harrods
Tireless. Absolutely tireless!

With only 38 shopping days left until Christmas, Harrod's today decided it was finally time to unveil the new range of commemorative Princess Diana Christmas wrapping papers.

The idea was the work of alternative artist Ernest Buckle, and was commissioned by Mohammed al-Fayed, the Harrod's boss, who still can't get a British passport.

Mr al-Fayed claimed he was "determined to wring something out of the fiasco", and said it might as well be money. The unhappy mogul, whose son also perished in the murder, feels permanently hard-done-by, and always looks miserable.

Shoppers queued for hours to secure their luxury wrappings, which, because of the demand, were limited to 200 rolls per customer. There are eight different designs, including one of the stricken princess as she lies waiting for medical help to arrive, and another depicting her being lifted into an ambulance. Another simply shows a smashed-up Mercedes.

An early favourite though, seemed to be the deluxe editions in which she can be seen leaving the gym chased by paparazzi, and a family portrait which shows Prince Charles, the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh with nooses around their necks.

Customer Mavis Grimshaw, 98, from Leeds, said:

"Ooh she were a luvly lass! Allus in me thoughts, so I thought I'd buy me sen a couple o' dozen rolls to wrap grandbains presents up in!"

Another lady, Violet Openshaw, 78, from Birmingham, spoke of Princess Diana's tireless work ethic when she said:

"Aww, bless 'er! She never stopped digging them landmines up. She did it with 'er bare 'ands, y'know!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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