London - (Presposterous Mess): The ex-Duchess of York has told royal wannabes Kate Middleton and Chelsy Davy that doing too much crack cocaine has blinded them to the perils of the royal family from hell and their impostor princes Wills and Harry.
Sarah Ferguson said she herself did so much crack in her deluded romance with impostor Prince Andrew - a cuckoo implant son of Jeremy Clarkson positioned as the Puppet Monarchy's No 2 hope/Duke of York - that she failed to see she'd sleepwalked into a Hellfire Club wormhole that was out to send her psychotic.
Ferguson has taken to mentoring silly stick insect Kate Middleton after a series of disastrous gaffes which the Pretender's lawyers had to cover up last year including getting busted for shop-lifting in Harabs, getting caught with a kilo of smack at Heathrow Airport and several offfences under the Prevention of Terrorism Act 2001.
The ex-duchess has previously given advice to Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills ("F##k off now while the going's good") and Britney Spears ("Invest in a gallon of clean urine").
Her overall advice to the wannabe royal slappers?
"A one-way ticket to a non-extraditable country. And pronto."
Camilla was very nearly sober yesterday.