Written by Monkey Woods

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Saturday, 10 November 2007

image for Tesco To Enter Political Arena
Hello, handsome! Will you be voting for Tesco?

Tesco, the leading supermarket, clothes store, fuel outlet and insurance provider, has announced plans to enter the political arena, with the launching of its new political wing as early as next month.

Completely cornering the market in consumerism has not sufficiently dampened the enthusiasm of Tesco executives for World Domination, and high-level meetings have taken place recently with a view to expanding the brand into a Governmental Policy Maker (GPM).

A source close to 'the organisation' said that plans were at an advanced stage, and that Tesco would "be ready anytime Prime Minister Gordon Brown decided to call a General Election".

The supermarket has already interviewed several hundred prospective representative candidates at its many stores, and those selected have come primarily from a sales background, many with door-to-door experience.

Canvassing has been trialled in sixteen Tesco stores nationwide, all of them in, what have been described as, 'safe' Asda constituencies, with a reaction that has been described as "phenomenal".

One shopper petitioned in Leeds, the traditional Asda heartland, was "instantly sold" on Tesco's political aspirations. Gladys Bogof, 98, gushed:

"They said if I vote for them, I'll get a year's supply of ladder-proof stockings and 1000 points on me Clubcard!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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