Written by Ivor Seabass
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Friday, 9 November 2007

image for Aldi To Sell Tanks
Buy one, get one free

In an increasing effort to expand their foothold in cut price sales on anything they can get their hands on, Aldi are set to start selling Tanks from next week in the 'Thursday Specials' section.

A spokesman for the company said: "We have been making ongoing efforts to reduce the price of everyday items that have often been non-accessible or too expensive for the normal person, i.e. horse riding saddles, life boats, and other stuff you never thought you could even get your hands on… for example take our hardware section, where would you get a chain saw a with built in nail gun for £25?

"We have always stived to reduce our costs in many brand named items and now we are just expanding even further in to the military section".

When asked what military products they will be selling, Mr. Schnitzelburger told us: "we will be initially starting with some retired US and soviet tanks for around €4 to 8 million and we will see how sales go of that before we expand our line to something more long range,jets and whatnot"

World leaders are outraged with the President Bush calling for a war on Aldi and an immediate destruction of all outlets. Gordon Brown brushed it off with… "sure its cheap but does this shit work?"

However Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad greeted the revelation with delight saying: "This is great news, now I can get a couple of T80s and 6 Tolberone for the guts of 8 million, I will be queuing from Wednesday night... God help those yankee bastards now."

Drivers and ammunition for the tanks are expected to be advertised in the following Sundays supplement

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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