Written by SMSL
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Topics: Dragon, Dean Gaffney

Thursday, 8 November 2007

image for Dean Gaffney Fights Dragon
"I'll get you Gaffney!"

Former Eastender Dean Gaffney was yesterday still in shock after his fight with a dragon. The incident occured at Dean's home in Surrey in the afternoon when Dean's long time girlfriend heard a noise in the attic. She then found the dragon.

"I couldn't believe my eyes at what I saw", said the long time sufferer, who is the mother of Dean's two twin daughters. "I shouted for Dean to come up the attic. He didn't care as he was playing Halo 3 online with Ricardo from The Salon. When he eventually came, he took a step back and gasped for his life".

Dean, 29, started throwing a load of household possessions at the dragon, including the Gaffney Family Vase, which has been in the family for five generations. Dean was still in shock when we spoke to him. "I was that scared that I started to throw anything and everything at the Dragon. I would have even threw my X-Box 360 at it, if it meant it would knock it out". The amount of stuff thrown at the Dragon only enraged it more.

In an instant, it started to breathe fire. If not for the quick thinking of Dean, his girlfriend would have burnt to a crisp. Dean was in sheer panic, as he was desperate for ideas. He quickly remembered he had an armour kit downstairs in his bedroom from his days playing Fantasy Dungeons And Dragons with former castmates Sid Owen, Michael Greco and Joe Absolom, and went downstairs to get it.

He came back, with armour and all. He grabbed his sword, and proceeded to fight the dragon with every ounce of energy he had. "The dragon wasn't budging. He kept breathing more and more fire. If it weren't for the fireproof amour I had on, I would have been ashes", Gaffney told our sources. He dodged fire attack after fire attack. Dean found an opening, and climbed on the dragon's back. Unfortunately, it only enraged the dragon further, as it started to move around like a bunking bronco bull. Dean held on for dear life, with one hand on his sword. "It really did put a lot of pressure on my balls", claimed Gaffney.

Fortunately, the local Tae-Kwon-Doe school, whom are dragon experts, came to the aid of the Gaffney residence. They used a lot of magic voodoo on the dragon, which caused it to tire to an eventual sleep. It took over 50 firefighters and removal men to get the dragon out of the home.

"How it got into the attic, I have no idea", said firefighter Stu Millard. "I've been in the fire brigade for so long, but I have never encountered anything like this in my life".

The Gaffney family now have huge debts to pay for the damage to the attic, including the Gaffney Family Vase.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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