Prime Minister Gordon Brown narrowly avoided serious injury today when a man in the crowd waiting outside 10 Downing Street shot a firework out of his anus at him.
The man, believed to be in his late fifties, dropped his trousers and inserted a long rocket-like device into his crack just as the PM got out of his car to wave to the crowd. He lit it and was heard to snigger as it shot towards its intended target.
Mr Brown looked shocked as the projectile shot past his ear at hit the door of No.10, slightly injuring a policeman who received treatment for a dent in his pride.
There were no other injuries.
Anti-terrorism officers were on the scene within hours, and arrested more than 100 people "who looked like they might have connections to Islamic Fundamentalism".
The attack comes on the 402nd anniversary of the Gunpowder Plot, which is remembered tonight as Bonfire Night. Mr Brown's would-be attacker, giving his name as Guy Fawkhandles, was taken away to Paddington Green police station where he was charged with offences contrary to the Firework Code.
A Health & Safety spokesman said later:
"Fireworks should always be handled by a responsible adult, not by children under 16, and should, under no circumstances, be inserted in the anus."