Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: World War II

Wednesday, 31 October 2007

image for Battle of Britain Squadron to Reform
Cumming won't know what's coming to him!

Enraged at the allegations made by historian, Dr Alan Cumming, a few of 'The Few' have decided to reform, some 67 years after the actual battle to prove his theories wrong.

Squadron Leader Charles 'chocks away' Chalmondly-Chalkbottom and his wingman, Pilot Officer Parsley Sage-Antime, formerly of 34 squadron based a Tangmere have thrown down their leather flying gloves to doctor Cumming to stand against a hangar door whilst he and his colleagues fly at him with all guns blazing.

The pilots will be men whose average age is 88 - more than twice the age of the doctor - scary or what? Fortunately they will not be flying Spitfires or Hurricanes to prove their point much to the relief of the confused historian.

The Royal Air Force Association have decided to sponsor the challenge with proceeds going to help ex-RAF personnel; A formation of 6 Cessna 152 aircraft will take off on Sunday morning from North Weald (a former Battle of Britain RAF station) with 8 paintball guns strapped to the wings. The prehistoric pilots will only be able to make one pass to calculate windspeed, deflection etc before pulling the trigger.

A still irate Chalkbottom, said: "We'll give the blighter the fright of his life! We'll show him who can't shoot straight. Perhaps we couldn't hit a barn door - then. But hey, we were only 18 at the time. What was he doing when he was 18?"

He added: "We've had over 50 years to practice our shooting skills and I am very confident that we can hit the hangar door first time - a piece of cake!"

An unrepentant Dr Cumming stands by his theory: "I'm not scared of those old farts in their flying machines - I don't even think they will even be able to find the hangar, let alone hit the door"

The Windscale Women's Institute Aerial Battle Re-enactment Group will be paying particular interest in the conflict and will be travelling in a coach down the M1 on Sunday, South to North Weald.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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