People in the over 60s age group are now more sexually active than their younger counterparts, according to a bloke in the pub.
More than 95% of those interviewed by the man confessed to having had an extramarital affair whilst they had been drawing their pensions, whilst nearly a third claimed to have taken part in a 'threesome'.
One woman, Ethel Floozy, of the Frozen North, said:
"I'm 78, but that doesn't stop me. I'm at it like a rabbit every night!"
Another, Gracie Arbuckle, 83, from Manchester, choked by cigarette smoke, said:
"I get all randy about six o'clock after me tea. I mention to me husband about making sure he 'doesn't leave the backdoor unlocked', and that's all he needs. That's unless it's a Sunday. We usually wait until after Songs of Praise."
Analysts claim that sex amongst the old and crippled can be a good thing, and can even prolong life.
Dr David Brufen of the Old Age Sex Institute near Birmingham, said:
"There's nothing wrong with it as long as grandad is careful once grandma hits the high notes."