Buckingham Palace - (Narcotic Mess): So-called Vice-Count (sic) Linley, official impersonator of Princess Margaret's son David, has gone into hiding today after being named on countless websites as the 'minor royal' in the sex, drugs & videotape furor gagging business.
Buckingham Palace sources confirmed that his place-name has been struck out from tonight's lavish state banquet for Osama Bin laden's biological dad, King Abdullah of Sordid Arabia.
Linley's wife Serena is said to be livid after spending a fortune on a stunning new Oscar de la Rentboy outfit from Harabs, using a credit card supplied to her by ex-Saudi ambassador to the US and BAE slush fund recipient Prince Bandar.
Linley has made a successful living using the ID theft persona of Margaret son after the real David Armstrong-Jones was topped by the Pretender to the Throne in a furious Puppet Monarchy crack cocaine turf war back in 1980.
His body is believed to be buried alongside that of Lord Lucan and Shergar the Wonderhorse, just behind the Royal Mews near Buckingham Palace yard.