Portimao, Algarve: (Conspiracy Mess): With the summer holiday season now well and truly over, unemployed seasonal workers in the Praia da Luz district of the Algarve have hit on an ingenious Xmas bonus scheme in the current wake of the lets-get-the-McCanns saga.
"Everybody else has got their 50 escudos-worth of conspiracy theory in the local papers and we don't think we should be excluded from ours," Senor Mateus Rose of the Algarve Tourism & Catering Union told UK TV news today.
"Do we believe the McCanns' story? Who knows. Maybe.
"Were they sloshed morning, noon and night with cheap local booze? Dunno. (Yawn) Probably.
"Are their 'Tapas Nine' drinking mates still covering up for them? Give over,mate! Jury's still out on that one.
"Is the British Establishment involved in a massive conspiracy witewash about this tragedy-hit couple?
"Were they using the Opus Dei network to negotiate black market nuclear missile sales to Iran?
"Soon as the McCann family arrived in Luz we were on to them!
"We knew just by looking at them that they had to be high-powered plants of the Blair government, negotiating yet another huge covert crack deal to finance the next Labour Party election.
"And now we gonna sell our story just like everybody else.
"More champagne, anybody?"