Written by Mister Meaner
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Friday, 26 October 2007

image for Neanderthals Were 'Ginger Nuts' Like Chris Evans, Says Report
Hucknall's disguise didn't fool our sharp-eyed cameraman

A report in a scientific journal claims that a DNA study has revealed that Neanderthals were redheads, like ex-Radio1 DJ and television presenter Chris Evans.

The study unearthed the cataclysmic news in Shite, the alternative science magazine this week.

Until recently, it was thought that Neanderthals were our own human ancestors, but evidence has shown that the race, like Warrington-born Evans, were an evolutionary dead-end.

Samples taken from the bodies of two ape-like men at a site in Salford show the presence of a gene which is not now part of human make-up, but which would have given the Neanderthals striking red locks, akin to that other Northern ginger-nut, Simply Red's Mick Hucknall.

Other redheads of note include the Weakest Link Anne Robinson, the Missing Link Cilla Black, and the ex-Doctor Who assistant Bonnie Langford, all of whom resemble lumbering apes.

Actor David Caruso, who plays Horatio Cane in CSI Miami, is also a 'ginner', as is TV fox Basil Brush, but he's not actually a living organism, so he doesn't count.

Commenting on the findings yesterday, bespectacled bighead Evans, who was recently dumped by another ex-Doctor Who girl Rose Tyler, said:

"Born on April Fool's Day and being a ginger-nut has made me a Ginger Fool. Now I find out I'm also a flippin' Neanderthal!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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