The 'Whit Car' annual study of car ownership was released yesterday and contained a number of surprises, most notably, that 'Wankers' are now more likely to own an Audi than a BMW, with the Audi A4 as the model of choice.
The study revealed that majority of Audi drivers are described by people who know them as 'Smug gits who think they own the road'. They were also more likely to 'hog the outside lane at 95 mph, flashing cars ahead of them to get out of their way' and 'nip over the centre line when overtaking parked vehicles causing oncoming traffic to break suddenly, even though they don't have right of way.'
"Your typical Audi Driver, is likely to be male, between the ages of 30-45, in a high paying job, an arrogant arsehole, with no real friends except those that want to network with him. He also has a faint smell of cheese about his person which he masks with Hugo Boss aftershave." said Bernard Bumpersticker of 'Whit Car' Magazine. "But this is of no surprise really as this market segment has been very heavily targeted by Audi. Drivers now know, that when they see the familiar Audi rings in their rear view mirror, what sort of person is just an inch away from their rear bumper."
On BMW's fall from grace, Bumpersticker commented. "BMW owners tend to fall into two categories, those who are trying hard to impress but don't have enough sense to realise that they are ten years too late and teenage drug dealers. I'm sure though that once BMW they sort out their marketing they will become fashionable to tosspots again."