A Home Office study of all languages spoken in Britain, has determined that Polish is the second most-spoken language in the UK.
Punjabi, naturally, was the most widely-spoken, with English in third place.
The study, which found that there are more than 3,000 different languages spoken in the UK today, highlighted that the people of almost the whole of Eastern Europe, have moved into Great Britain en masse.
Many millions of Polish refugees now live in Britain, and, aside from a few dentists and plumbers, are largely worthless layabouts. City centres throughout the length and breadth of the country reverberate with a cacophony of liberal and indiscriminate 'z's and 'k's that have shoppers gaping in bewilderment.
Government ministers have reacted angrily to criticism that too many immigrants are coming to Britain from countries such as Poland, but this new study is bound to bolster the calls for Poles to be repatriated, in order to solve the housing crisis.
Not all Poles, however, are complete wasters.
Maria Wjedkiskidejzdek, 19, who is employed as a Pole dancer in Coventry, said:
"My name may be unpronounceable, but I work hard, and do not compromise either the economy or the fiscal balance of the country of Great Britainski."*
* Courtesy of Lech Walesa Translation Service Tel:(0207) 19391945