Written by Jane Reed
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Saturday, 13 October 2007

image for Bottom Fergus Out 'Ranks' Other idiots
Wait jester minute. Is that you Furbus?

For millions of days 'sarcasm' has been seen as the lowest form of wit but an un-shocking new surveyette released today ranks potato-farming literamous Fergus McSpredder as the nation's least funny form. Fungus narrowly snatched defeat from the jaws of victory by beating off mime artists (for money) and the coveted bottom spot.

Furball sobered up long enough to hock up a few semi-decipherable 'words' last night.

'I thought for a while there i was gonna get pipped at the, hic, post by Russ Abbott but i'm pleased the nation saw through his bawdy end-of-pier impressions and saw that he truly is a touch classier than me'

Abbott is reported to have chuckled 'good game, good game Fermos' and 'I wish his career on the checkouts well' before scuttling back under a nearby stone ahead of his 'packed house' tour of Irish jails.

Radio times, the BBC's only profit making organisation, listed the top ten forms of wit as:

  1. Chris Morris (Not to be confused with Candice Hitler)
  2. People falling off rope swings
  3. Phallic vegetables
  4. That stupid blonde bird from atheist rural comedy 'Vicar Of Dibley'
  5. Grossly over hyped tedium zeitgeist 'The I.T Crowd'
  6. Crippled donkeys
  7. Sarcasm
  8. Russ 'you're not Tommy Cooper' Abbott
  9. Mime Artists
  10. Fergus McSpredder (See GayLick Giggles)

McSpredder is currently in talks with anything-accommodating digital channel 'UKTV Gold 19 Repeats' about maybe once featuring on a top 100 show of alltime failures. The role will involve him briefly attempting a largely untried 'joke'. He will then apparently be ridiculed by all 'civilised' nations watching around the globe. Hence not available in Ireland.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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