The Prime Minister admitted in a candid interview with the Badly Bankrupt Corporation (BBC), that it was the startling revelations in the latest opinion of Poles that forced him to cancel an early election.
Talking to the Polish defector Nasty Kaplonski, before she did a runner too Five for a cool million quid, Prime Minister Gobby Browneye attempted to explain,
'I wasn't bothered when I had that naff job spending other peoples money, with all the Poles flooding into the country, because it was good for the economy. We could get things built and fixed cheaper. They were willing to work for sixpence a day, 24/7 and survive on a smoked sausage and a pickled gherkin.'
However, the P.M. had to go through his own version of Made In Polski, when moving into 10 Conning Street, after evicting its last squatter Tinny Blabber, when he needed some home improvements done.
'I got my wife to source out some quotes. The English firms all wanted close on £250.000. A Scottish group, which had built their parliament, called Botch and Leg-It, demanded half a million, up-front as well! It was ridiculous; all we wanted was the downstairs toilets removed so as to make cabinet members leave early.'
Eventually the Browneyes contracted Botchski and Leg-Itski, whose references included the successful hot-wiring of the plug on the Queen's toaster, and they agreed to do the necessary work for £300 VAT free, cash job.
'It was a nightmare. None of them could speak English and all they did in five days was nail the toilet doors shut and paint on them 'Kaputtski'. What a rip off!'
Kaplonski at this stage signalled that the interview would have to be cut short as she had only been budgeted two minutes of film.
Quickly the P.M. babbled out his excuse,
'As I explained in the House full of Commoners, I will go to the Poles and tell them they must learn to conform to Scottish, er, British standards, and once they are on the voters roll, I am confident that they will vote for Labour, because that's all they can do anyway.'