Mangled and maimed British troops sent back from the one-sided war in former peace-mongering rogue state Iraq are being told they will have to raise their own funds for medical care in a 'bob-a-job' manner.
Selling medals, using false limbs to scare away gaggles of right-wing crows and firing stolen military issue handguns at hooded pensioners are all methods of fund raising suggested by governmental adviser to Iraq and ex-Carry On star Sid James.
Speaking from beyond the grave, James said 'it shows a lack of imagination that these fellas can't fink of a few ways of making a bit of brass'
He then controversially went on to suggest;
'If I was one of them wheelchair ones I would start a taxi service for old ladies' shopping, and blokes what got their arms or leg boxes all wretched off could sell their limb leftovers to American kids what have been chewing their own off in order to lose weight'
Ministry of Defence spokesman Alan Dingpad said James' suggestions were 'clearly the ramblings of a man who has a deceased mind' and warned the public that James (204) is a '2 bob smut peddling knacker' and 'a radical inter-dimensional idiot'.
Scout groups around this septic isle have gone on strike in what they feel is an invasion of their money making pitch. Chief Scout Arkala and registered sex offender Martin Young said that gangs of 'beautiful prepubescent boys are now forced to stay in the scout hut earning their pant inspection badges and singing haggered, meaningless songs like Cum By Ya'.
This is only of small comfort to the hundreds of smashed up democracy forcers currently in care in a dis-used branch of overpriced electrical white goods retailer 'Rumbelows'.
The government has pledged to send each casualty a tape recording of failed comedy gagsmith Bobby Davro and a picture of a woman's breast cut out of the Sun newspaper to keep morale high.