Written by Mister Meaner
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Thursday, 11 October 2007

image for Chickens Force Lorry To Crash
"It was chaos"

Chickens being transported across Scotland to their deaths, have forced a lorry driver to crash his vehicle on the A80 near Stirling.

Central Scotland Police say that the road just before the Castlecary Arches was "awash with fowl", after the lorry crashed into the central reservation and overturned around 4.30am this morning.

The driver, a Mr Pynchon, was taken to hospital, and told police that he heard "a tremendous clucking sound" after which, the lorry started to shake uncontrollably. The next thing he knew, he was being plucked from his cab by ashen-faced motorists.

One of the people to come to the driver's aid, Donald Leghorn, said:

"Suddenly the vehicle just lurched sideways. It tipped over, and chickens spilled out everywhere. They were in a frenzy, and gathered around the driver's cab trying to attack him. It was chaos."

Specialist 'chicken catchers' were deployed to round up the unruly birds which were headed for destinations in Kiev, Maryland and Biriyani.

Sgt Bill Rooster of the police told reporters:

"We are investigating reports that the birds attempted to 'effect an escape'. So far, we have made nearly 400 arrests."

*Awarded 5 stars as a tribute to T Pynchon

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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