Written by Candice Hitler
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Wednesday, 10 October 2007

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Hislop: 'Member' of Parliament

Pea-headed political wart and editor of potentially satirical fish wrapper 'Private Eye' Ian Hislop was today embroiled in his own 'sleaze' scandal.

The 'Have I Got Extensively Rehearsed News For You' pundit was caught red-palmed, inflagrante, raping himself in a supermarket trolley outside his bijou barge conversion residence in Camberwell, London.

Nosy onlookers described the scene as being similar to a 'vibrating quails egg in a cage'. Hislop (76) was held on charges of indecent exposure and imitating a Jimmy Somerville. He is expected to ooze into court this week.

Sources close to Hislop expressed their growing concern for his mental stability. This comes during a week which has seen ex-Prime Minister John Major forced to do community service for daubing mundanities on a horizontal wall and Radio 4's Nicholas Parsons temporarily incarcerated for the theft of an amusingly phallic onion.

The BBC have announced that Hislop may return to 'Have I Got News For You' but warned him that he will be ridiculed until he considers suicide. Private Eye magazine are apparently running a 1300 page featurette on the big-baby's masturbatorial antics with extra staff drafted in to ensure more smugness than usual.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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