Written by Mister Meaner
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Monday, 8 October 2007

image for Government Unveils 'Total Knife Ban' - Even In Kitchens
Hand your knife over, sonny

The Government has today announced plans for a new and improved knife ban, after another teenager died as a result of a knife attack in London at the weekend.

The incident, involving a 17-year-old boy who was stabbed when he tried to help his friend in a mobile phone dispute, has prompted ministers to unveil a total ban on knives - even in domestic kitchens.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown, speaking in the Commons, said:

"Knives are becoming extremely dangerous to be around. However, I will solve this conundrum once and for all. From this day forward, any black person seen in public, or in the kitchen, with a knife, will be in serious bother."

The latest death, brings to 19 the number of knife-related killings amongst teenagers in London this year. One or more of the perpetrators may have been involved in 'kitchen work'.

The new ban will be especially bad news for Sheffield - where much of Britain's steel cutlery was once made - and for China, where nearly all of it is now made.

Ainsley Harriott, the celebrity TV chef and presenter of Ready, Steady, Cook, said of the news:

"I'm black, and I use a knife - but I'm not dangerous!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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