Written by Velveeta Peron
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Topics: Princess Diana

Saturday, 6 October 2007

image for Diana Inquest Jury Jolly Shock
Jurors are following the trial with fervent interest

The inquest into the death of Diana, Princess of Wails threatens to run aground tonight over the impending jury jaunt to Paris. Jurors have informed The Right Honourable Justice Scott Baker of several demands which they say must be met, or lose his deposit.

Seven of the jurors are adamant they will be unable to reach a verdict unless they spent a week in the Imperial Suite at the Ritz Hotel, all expenses paid.

One juror refuses to travel to Paris unless she does so in the Fayed family jet that Diana flew around Europe prior to hitting the wall in the Pont D'Alma underpass.

Sources close to the jury claim the woman 'knows it won't be of any use in the deliberations, but she's determined to find out if 'iss as tacky as that Rosie Monckton said Dianer said it wuss.'

Proceedings were also suspended for thirty minutes while the judge explained the difference between Paris Hilton and the French capital, dashing hopes of one juror who was savouring the idea of 'getting a close look at "Paris' notorious tunnel'. His demands were satisfied with internet access and privacy at the lunch break.

The runaway jury is furiously briefing media via Facebook, determined that whatever oaths they have sworn, 'if made up nonsense is good enough for the Portuguese police, it's good enough for us.'

Said one juror in an anonymous blog: "Either we get this done the way we want or he can bloody well go on holiday without us and we'll just have a nice time in peace and quiet at home."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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