Written by Mister Meaner
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Topics: tesco, ASDA

Friday, 5 October 2007

image for Tesco Worker Suspended for Shopping at Asda
Tesco, or is it Asda?

A hitherto loyal Tesco shelf-stacker has been suspended and threatened with the sack, for doing his shopping at Asda, it has been reported.

Michael Wood of Sevenoaks in Kent, felt the wrath of the supermarket and insurance giant when he stopped off to buy a box of matches at Asda on his way home from work last Tuesday. He was spotted by an eagle-eyed snooper, and reported to Tesco management, who immediately suspended him from his duties.

The Tesco organisation, which is the biggest thing in the world, offers all its employees - whether they are important or not - reasonable staff discounts, and do not take kindly to workers acting traitorously.

Manager at Tesco in Sevenoaks, a Mr Kerr, said:

"This turncoat has displayed exactly the kind of treasonous behaviour that is costing this company millions of pounds in profits every year."

Mr Wood, a single parent with three young children, explained to his superiors that he was on his way home at 6am after a particularly gruelling night shift, when he realised he had used his last match to burn his candle at both ends. Desperately in need of a cigarette, he ducked into an all-night Asda just two minutes from his Council flat, but was spotted by Tesco store detective Larry Peon.

Said Peon:

"I saw him. It was him. He shouldn't be doing that."

Union representatives have put it to Tesco top brass that a trifle such as the one described, shouldn't have attracted the reaction it has, and that Mr Wood should be reinstated and given an apology.

Tesco head honcho, Sir Terry Leafy, said:

"Certainly not. We also sell matches. This man had no right whatsoever going into a store run by our biggest competitor."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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