Written by Mark Lowton
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Thursday, 4 October 2007

image for Police Recover Stolen Masterpiece
Ah, the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies!

Scottish detectives have discovered a priceless artwork which was stolen from a French Chateaux, just outside the village of Nouvion.

The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by Van Klomp disappeared during the Nazi occupation of the village in the second world war. After the end of the war, several forgeries were been discovered world wide, but the original artwork had never been found.

Since being stolen 60 years ago, the trail had very much gone cold. But an anonymous tip-off from a man with a distinct limp led detectives to a small cafe in Castle Douglas, owned by Ms. Stella Artois.

The painting was discovered inside a large dried German Knockwurst sausage, hanging in the cafe's larder.

Ms. Artois said the sausage had been passed down to her from her grandfather, Rene, who owned a cafe in France during WWII. Ms. Artois alleges to have no idea that it contained the priceless masterpiece.

"My granddad said it kept him safe during the war," she lamented. "He said times were very hard, but this sausage kept him going, knowing it would provide for his family. I always assumed it was some gypsy thing, you know, food to keep the family provided for. If I knew it had a priceless artwork in it, I'd have flogged it. The stupid old man!"

Ms. Artois was arrested by police, but has been released on bail pending further enquiries.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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